PRESCOTT, GABRIEL JULIAN

Gabriel J. Prescott,

24 | Gay | dating dominic | club security | hero

take me to church. i'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. i'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knives. offer me that deathless death. good god, let me give  you my life. 

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1) your mother you idolize her. ever since you were a child you have never ceased to hold her in the highest respect because you knew even then that she would love you no matter what. everything you have ever aspired to do, she has stood behind you, holding your hand each step of the way... or at least until you became and adult and needed to start braving the world alone. of course it frightened you to leave her side because she was the one who insisted that you were normal even though it was clear that you really weren't. as a child, you were more feminine than the other boys. you liked to dress nicely, smell good, and play with the girls and their dolls instead of in the sandbox with the boys. people looked at you funny for that, but your mother assured you that everything would work itself out and that you would eventually find your place in the world. she had been wrong, of course, because you learned to be more masculine thanks to peer pressure and consistent bullying that nearly pushed you over the edge with an attempted suicide. it wasn't your mother's fault. she didn't blame you for who you were and she couldn't stop the cruelty of others. all she wanted was the best for you so you did your best to never have her fear for your life again. until you turned twenty and your father shoved you into the military. after that, she was scared every day that you were away. you wrote to her the most, just so that she would know you were okay. when you came home, hers was the only face you truly wanted to see. she was so glad to have you home, so proud of who you were. but then you let her down again. all of your lies fell out of the closet and it became too much. so you tried to kill yourself again. and you failed because of her. again. so this time you promised her you would get help. that you would get better. because that's what she needs. 2) your father though you and your father have never exactly been on the same page, he is also an inspiration to you someone you respect. he helps you stay focused on what really matters which is as follows: being a man, protecting your family (and country), (obnoxiously) demonstrating your masculinity, loving a woman. he stands above all else when it comes to criticizing you for your early life choices. though the kids as school were brutally mean, your father was always worse. he used to yell at you until you cried and hit you for your tears because they wouldn't solve anything. for a while it seemed like he hated you, but now it has only helped to improve your character. you are more of a man now, having been the captain of the football team, the most popular at school with the pretty cheerleader on your arm. you even went on to become a defender of your country. a true american soldier. this made your father's chest swell with pride because you had finally become the son he always wanted. the son that he was now capable of loving because all the feminism had been crushed right out of you. this forcefulness had never pleased your mother, but your father always softened her up by beaming so proudly over in your direction. there was an aching in her eyes when she looked at you because the truth was still there, it had just been buried under a bunch of lies. until you finally uncovered it. you told him about your boyfriend and your sexuality. you tried to explain and prayed that he would understand. he didn't. he doesn't. he beat the shit out of you and you let him. because you love him he is your father and you deserve it. 3) your ex-girlfriend she was with you for around four years. you started dating sometime before you turned twenty and left for the military. you had dated her before in high school. she was the pretty cheerleader that all the jocks lusted after, but there was more to her than that and you saw it. she is very kind and compassionate and in a world where all you feel his violence and aggression. in that way, she is very much like your mother only she loves you in a different way. and you love her too because she calms you down and helps everything to start making sense again. during your time of service, she stayed faithful to you and waited for your return. despite all your flaws and imperfections, she has not left you and you do not want her to because you are selfish. yes, it is true that you do love her, but not in the right kind of way. she is more your best friend than anything else. you tell her (almost) everything and she listens. when you finally told her that you cheated on her, it was as if her whole world shattered right before your very eyes. she hated you. she left you and you broke too. without her, you were lost. dominic was gone, your father wanted you dead hated you. living didn't seem worth it until your ex became the mother of your child. after you tried to kill yourself, she came to the hospital to tell you that she needed. that your baby needed you. so the two of you worked together. you still do. because she is so busy with her work, you have most custody, but the two of you are civil. you love each other and you love each other, so you work out your differences and strive for peace. 4) your boyfriend you had gone into the army as a way to further remove yourself from any implications that you might be gay because that wasn't natural and your father would disown you otherwise. it wasn't right and people would hate you for it if you ever went back to living your life that way. at the time, you would have rather kill yourself than go back to having people call you a faggot nonstop. so being a solider should have helped to set you on the straight and narrow. and it did for a while, because every single male at your training camp was strictly straight. and if they weren't, they pretended to be because of the don't ask don't tell regulations. so you played along and did your best to fit in. for a while you did and then you were partnered with dominic wilder. his smile distracted you the same way his laughter did. the whole time you hadn't cracked so much as a grin until he blindsided you with his stupidity. at first you didn't know what to make of it and then you considered him your friend, but then it all changed when suddenly the two of you were stumbling away from a campfire, tipsy off of a few drinks. then he kissed you or you kissed him. you don't know how it happened exactly, but it did and then you were hooked on him and everything he was because you could have been just like him. only you weren't. you couldn't wait to leave training behind and dominic with it, but you found each other again. you found each other in new york and you had an affair fell in love. you abused him made things complicated. you weren't gay didn't know what you wanted. you were a liar confused and afraid. it wasn't until he was deployed that you figured it out stopped being a dick. when he was gone, you wrote him or called him or skyped whenever you could. you love him. he loves you. you live together now, and he is helping you raise your daughter and accept yourself. 5) your daughter you adore her. she is everything to you. she is your motivation to keep living and get better. during the month that you have had her in your life, she is the single most important thing to you. if there is one person in this world that you cannot fail, it is her. she depends on you and you don't want her to know any of the pain or suffering that you have. as she grows up, you want her to know that it is okay to be whoever and love whoever she wants. it is your goal to fill her life with all the things that yours was lacking. you want to give her that unconditional love that your father never did. you want to support her in everything she chooses to do in life. of course it scares you because you know that you're going to make mistakes. being a father was never in your plans, but because of her, you're getting better. life isn't so grim now that she's in it. she is your breath of fresh air. she changes everything. 6) yourself you hate yourself. always have, always will but you're trying not to. you are a freak of nature because you don't feel the same way about women as you do with men. you are gay. it is wrong difficult, even now with all these people coming out of the closet to embrace who they really are. it disgusts scares you to be different because of your father. he is a strong, heterosexual male who you respect. you are technically a success, but a failure all the same. you never stopped being gay even though you tried. you cheated on your girlfriend with a man in the military. you nearly got yourself blown to pieces while at war, but survived with burn scars and some hearing loss in your right ear. you told your ex that you cheated. you fell in love with a man. you tried to kill yourself again. you became a father. you are disgusting even though you don't want to be. you are messed up and broken, but you're trying to work out the kinks and put the pieces back together. it makes you angry and you lash out on people without meaning to because all you want to be is normal accepted. it's a difficult road, but you're willing to walk down it for the people you love. you want to get better. to be happy. to accept yourself. you want to be a good father to your daughter, son to your mother, and partner to your boyfriend. you want to be happy with who you are but you can't it's hard. however, you'll keep trying until it kills you you finally find peace.

leah| eastern| seventeen | /lazy

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ACCEPTED

hai again. i want to nom gabe's new face. also he is cuddly now. accepted~ ♥